My Mom the Hooman Dog Healer

Before you read this, you must understand the translation from dog to human language:

– Hooman: Human

– House of sick dogs: Animal hospital

– Man with loud voice on one side of the camera: TV news anchor

_ Collar around the finger: engagement ring

– Smelly delicious treats: Mozarella cheese sticks

_ Pizza : Pizza ( hello ! universal language).

_ Hooman years: human years time

I met my mom when I was five. She loves telling the story about how she rescued me but this time, I am telling  the story of how I rescued her. My mom is this creature- loving “hooman” who refused to put me down because of my skin problems. She was always nice, but I could smell her sadness. When my former mom gave  me away to the house of sick dogs were my mom the ” hooman ” dog healer works, she took me in and gathered other nice “hoomans” to help me find a home, one of them was Laura. They all got together and gave me medicine and a lot of stinky baths, I stunk as if I had rolled on a thousand dead animals, yuk !! A  nice male “hooman “who was in charge of all the nasty baths and the dog hotel, taught me how to play with toys but also  gave too much food according to my mom the ” hooman” dog healer.

My mom tried to find me a home so she took me with Laura to a square box station; a man with a loud voice was showing me in front of the camera so that  other many” hoomans”  could see me on the other side of the box.  Quite honestly, I couldn’t care less. I didn’t know why my mom wouldn’t just take  me home, she was so sad and lonely. She was getting sick too! She couldn’t sleep and would ask to ” release the wild and hairy beast! ” whenever she was at the house of sick dogs . My butt would shake so hard when I heard   her say that !!  I could hear her laughing so my butt would shake even harder.” If she would only take me home! ” Kept thinking to myself.  The dog hotel was lonely sometimes. My mom was still trying to figure out what was wrong with my skin until one day, after multiple sores made on my skin, she finally found the answer: I was a mangy dog!! The tiny little suckers were digging and biting and messing me up all of these years! Never ever did I see them again. My mom and all the ” hoomans” from  the house of sick dogs got rid of them. My mom said it was hard to find them because my skin had been affected for a long time and it was very thick to get to where these suckers were burrowed.

My mom had a heavy heart, I don’t understand “hooman” relationships, after all , they don’t sniff each other’s butts  and that can complicate things, leading to all sorts of misunderstandings.

Finally, one day, my mom put a collar around  my neck and brought me home. The others staying at the Dog  Hotel would exclaim: ” see you Gizmo! lucky bastard!” said Lucky the Yellow Lab; see you Gizmaaaan, orale, pos nos cuentas como te va con la “hooman” doctor !!!! said Panchito the Chihuahua, Pleezzz scratch her furniture, she poke me today! said Boxie the old cat.  Bye guys !!! I jumped up and down in celebration of my new found liberty.

My mom said: ” It’s you and me now, Giz !!”, welcome home!  Only then,  I finally understood why my mom was sad, she had to say goodbye to her hooman male and their two dogs. I could still smell them in the house though it had been a while since their departure. My mom had to go long hours to the house of sick dogs. She would go overnight sometimes but I always would wait for her and wouldn’t even try to pee inside the house. I wanted to always make her happy. That is my mission in life.

Fast- forward 4 “hooman ”  years since my arrival. My mom rescued a  ” hooman” dad for me. She said I would have to approve of him first. I felt it was such and honor my mom would ask this of me.  My “hooman” dad was extremely good to me and  showed up with a delicious rack of ribs. ” Come on mom! Duh!! he is the ” hooman”  dad of my dreams!!!” I thought to myself  . We share smelly delicious treats and pizza crust. I was also part of a secret operation where my dad had  to put a collar around  my mom’s finger, I don’t know really  know why the whole fuzz about a finger collar  but I found  it very amusing so I ran with it and got a treat in the end.

Now I have a new brother, Gypsy. My mom being the head of the pack ( don’t tell my dad), thought it was time to make the pack bigger. He has a lot to learn, but this is a new story.

Now I told you how I rescued my mom !!

Gizmo