I am here silently dripping drops of soul. One by one, each tear drop starts falling on his face as he lays on the deck of C1949 . His face turned white through the inclement passing of time, shows stains left by dark tears. The gentle touch of the sun beams on him as a reminder of his angelic journey.
Still trying to process the information I got earlier today: My pal has bone cancer. I saw the unequivocal sign of bone destruction on his right femur earlier on an X- Ray and uttered a big unprofessional word as I discovered the source of his sudden painful lameness. Moreover, it had already spread to his lungs. I proceeded to hang the protective gear as my tears start to fall and wetting my mask. Soon, I have a few co- workers discretely gathered around me, hugging me or just being there with silent compassion.
I collected the broken pieces of my heart, saving my thoughts and feelings for a later, more convenient moment. My head still spinning, must now engage in the next case of vomiting and diarrhea. Case by case, I finally reach the end of my shift. A familiar heaviness sits on my chest as we manage to slowly hover across the parking lot and drive off . I know I don’t have much with him and my heart skinks, hanging onto every single breath, the hair on my car seat and the slobber smears on my passenger window.
Once home, we spend hours in silence, pouring my soul on the wrinkles of his neck and muttering: “I love you, I love you, I love you! “. His helicopter tail still wags in contempt as I ask the master of time to stop right there and let me hold him forever. Suddenly, I am clinging into his loud snoring, his heavy head resting on my chest and his droopy cheeks covering my heart like a warm blanket. I feel his body heaviness comforting as we both fall asleep out of exhaustion. I know I don’t have much time with him, so I want to live every single second in pure awareness of his presence in my life.
All this time, he has been trying to teach me this lesson: ” I love you” is all there is. Live in the present moment. Breathe. Just be !
I love you Gizmo.